February is the WORST! We’re glad it’s only 28 days. Here are 10 reasons why.
by Paulina Combow and Mary Jay Berger for Comedy Pug Hugs Feb show.
- Seasonal Affective Disorder – SAD. Does anybody else get this? It’s so cold and gloomy that people actually get depressed. I seem to get it at the same time every month.
- Valentine’s day Don’t get me wrong, I love Valentine’s day. I get lots of stuff. Flowers, massages, cards, you name it. I just don’t like to buy for others.
- President’s day Presidents get to keep secret service until they die. Bill Clinton hasn’t had to drive himelf since like ’95. Why do they need a holiday? You won the ultimate popularity contest. Good for you. We get it. They call it the popular vote! And you get the electoral college vote. So you’re cool in college too! Get over yourselves.
- Carrying emergency supplies in your car You have to prepare for getting stranded in your car in the cold. My parents made me carry kitty litter in my car in the winter which seems dumb, but then one time I DID drive off the road and got stuck in a ditch. I was glad I had that kitty litter because I had to take a shit.
- Layers You have to wear layers and thicker clothing which means you have SO much more laundry. It just piles up. And not to mention my boyfriend’s clothes are gigantic and you can only fit like three things in the washer. Mary’s mom still does her laundry so she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
- Oversized stuffed animals what happens to them after Valentine’s Day? I never go to a person’s house and see all their cliche Valentine’s crap on display. Is there a place like the Christmas tree recycling at the park where you can just back up and dump them off?
- Person who hates love We get it! No one loves you. Maybe this is why. Even juggalos find love. Why can’t you?
- Flowers that come in the mail 1-800-flowers. Honey, don’t post those flowers on facebook. It looks like you dug them out of the dumpster behind Florist Gump.
- The Olympics I know this isn’t every February. There weren’t even any scandals! Nobody got their legs clubbed. I miss when our Olympians had a backbone. You’re not an American unless you’re willing to club someone’s legs for a gold medal. Tonya Harding is a true American. This Olympics felt more like a punishment than a privilege.
- Kids candy Kids are pulling candy out of nowhere all month. A girl ate fun dip in the bathroom while i was subbing for a kindergarten class. She was in there for 15 minutes and when I went to check on her she said, “almost done!” She sat there on the toilet and ate the stick and everything.